Day 301: Stop Being Afraid Of What Could Go Wrong..

And think of what could go right. Today I did something that I fear. I accepted an offer to do a Wedding shoot for next year. Now a lot of people know that I don't do weddings. I have had a few offers and I would regretfully decline. Why? Because I'm afraid that I will mess up. Weddings are a very special day in ones life and I fear the photos I take will come out blurry, out of focus, bad composition, bad lighting, the list goes on. Can't just say, "Hey, I didn't get a good shot,lets do it again!" Not to mention how stressful & crazy weddings can be. Wedding photographers bust their ass & run around like mad people. Next time you're at a wedding watch the photographer for a bit. Oh, and don't forget to smile! So, just a few reasons why weddings terrify me. I'm already so hard on myself when it comes to just a regular photo shoot. I always feel like my photos are not up to my standards. I'm constantly comparing my work with those who have been in photography for quite some time, and I always tell myself they had to start at the bottom too. And that it takes time to learn, you just don't conquer the world in one day. I know my number one problem is me, and how much of a perfectionist I am. Some days I just wish I could see things through another's eyes. While people tell me, "You take beautiful photos." I kindly say, Thank-you. But I just see all the errors in the photo and think I'm never going to get this. I suffer from depression and anxiety so I'm sure this escalates my thoughts more. But this wedding is a little different, it's for a long time child hood friend, that I grew up with and was an/is a VIP in my life. It's such an honor that she wants ME to be her photographer for her wedding!! Not many think taking pictures is a deal, and anybody can do it as long as they have a "good camera." I laugh at that, and challenge people to go shoot a wedding, or any other kind of photo shoot they can think of. Cause it is a big deal. Just because you have a good camera doesn't make it that you can charge people money. I have seen those kinds of photo shoots and I'm sorry, but they are bad. Shadows on faces, using the on camera flash, shooting at the wrong time of the day, blurry, out of focus, bad composition, ect. I've been there, done that but I never charged people either, I just suggested they give me gas money if they want me to come to their house for me to take photos. And 6, years later I am still giving out a free photo shoot here & there. I have people inquire on photo shoots and I will always tell them I am not a Pro, that I am an amateur and if they want top of the notch photos they should look else where but I will always do my best into capturing what they want. I don't have the confidence in myself not my work and that fails me tremendously. Confidence doesn't come easy for me, and that is why I need to face my fear. Go out and just do it. Because hey, I could have a knack for this? I did do one wedding, it was a simple backyard wedding and I feared doing that...and I did that one as a testing the waters kind of thing. They loved their photos but I cringed at a lot due to my nit picking. I really need to just get over this. Woe is me, said the artist. I have almost a year to plan for this so I am thankful for that! Haha! Surely I will have my ducks in a row by then. And who knows maybe some new gear as well? I will need some lights and a better flash....hmmm maybe this isn't sounding so bad after all?! New gear! 😁 I'm super excited & super anxious, but it is something my heart just needs to do. 

I guess I went on a babbling spree there. Anxiety at its finest.